I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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