Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
so explain again why im purple
no
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize