come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
