Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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