Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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