I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
