my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
