Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
