sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize