It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
