i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
