It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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