I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
