We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
