i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
