every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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