Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
