just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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