So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
