I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
