Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
