I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
