i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
