Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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