I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
