She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
