Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
