Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
