Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
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