my phone needs a breathalizer
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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