Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
there's paper in my vomit.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
