hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
