You made me cry and you don't even care
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
