So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
