You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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