Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
