Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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