i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i jhust puked up my retainher.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
