I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Less talking, more tequila
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
