I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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