You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
