I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
My ATM looks so different sober.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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