"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
