I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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