I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
please don't ironically join a cult
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