I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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