I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
