yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Randomize
