your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
