so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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