It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
