that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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