Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
