I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
