I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Randomize
