if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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