How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
