there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
