Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
