So drunk its hurt
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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