i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
