Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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