Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
