I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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