I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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